I'm ready. I hit 37 weeks yesterday. Physically ready. Mentally ready. Bags are packed. Car seat installed.
I think one of my biggest fears in the beginning was trying a drug-free delivery. I'm not scared anymore. My biggest fear now is that my water will break first and labor will not progress, like last time. I have read a story in one of my books about what to do in case of this, and also recently saw a Baby Story on one. I'm praying (and please join me) that contractions start the show this time around. In regards to drugs, I've really been motivated and encouraged by blogs (thank you Jess), videos on homebirths, Baby Story (2010 shows only -- they have been great to post some homebirth and VBAC stories!), and books, of course. I'm not worried. It's natural - it's normal - and just up until last century, drug-free was pretty much the only option. It's done every day, by choice and also some that are not planned.
You know, I was never open to the homebirth option because "it's just not me", until now. I'm sticking with the plan to go to the hospital, but I have very strict criteria set out about what I expect. It is not a guideline for the doctor - it's, "please consider _____ and ____ before administering (such and such) plan", etc. I want them to know my heart desires before pumping me full of stuff. I have learned the importance of having an advocate. I have a supportive doc and a VBAC mom doula, and I'm ready. As most of you know, things happen really fast in the hospital, especially in regards to labor and delivery. Decisions are made in instants. It may have to happen, but you need to be mentally prepared. You need to be able to say, I tried all options before we had to get to that step.
For now, I patiently await the signs. I never thought I would look forward to that first painful contraction or the "other" things. :) I don't expect much, but AGH, I will sink to the floor if my water breaks or starts leaking. Is that crazy? I wanted my water to break so bad with Vivienne! They say fewer than 15% of laboring women begin with ruptured membranes. I'm hoping it's different this time.
Scenario #2 that would really stink is if I get to 41 weeks and nothing. That means they will try to augment my labor or sign me up for a c-section, depending on several factors. It's obviously not ideal to try and medically stimulate labor with a c-sec scar (although it's in great condition and thick with no windows).
Right now, I'm leaning on prayer, visualization (read about this), and very positive thoughts (NO STRESS!). My work temp is trained - we have lots we can go over, but she is ready. She is great. I'm going to focus on walking at least twice a day at work (though I'm dealing with horrible swelling). I've pulled out the support hose and gonna suck it up. I'm on the birthing ball the majority of the day at the desk. I need to get my mind completely off of the future and focus on the present day - staying happy, focused on other things, and spending time with my baby girl whose life will change completely in a few short weeks.
Choosing joy leads to a happy environment and a happy environment leads to a baby who wants to join it. (Overlook my hippie moment today - I'm just excited that my bags are packed, finally. Hahaha. I'm going with it... Go with it too before I start telling you everything I hate about this stage.) :)