Week 23

According to babycenter.com, Baby Boy Slabbert is about the size of a Mango. A little over 1 pound and approximately 11 inches long.

At almost 5 months pregnant, I have started the tossing and turning through the night = bye bye uninterrupted sleep! I love feeling him move more often and watching my belly morph into weird shapes when he starts tumbling. I started imagining him as a newborn... how we'll decorate his room, how Vivienne will look holding him, all the teeny tiny diapers again... it's surreal.

The name hunt is so difficult. It seems there are so many more options for a girl than a boy, and I have a completely different mindset. With Vivienne, I searched for ideas that were very feminine, elegant, and unique. With this little boy, I'm just having the hardest time. We've decided not to announce his name whenever it's been chosen. From our experience with Vivienne, it's just best to keep it to ourselves, especially since I'm a pretty emotional prego. I didn't handle all the faces and comments very well when we were telling people her name was Vivienne at 5 months along. Everyone sure has an opinion!! I started seriously doubting that name towards the end, but I'm so glad we kept it.

She is such a Vivienne, which means "full of life". She is a southern girl who likes her fingernails painted and for mommy to put blush on her while doing make-up each morning. The babysitter is known as MISS Rhonda, and we are trying to keep that going for everyone she meets. She's a "Vivian Lee", a.k.a. Scarlett O'hare, if I've ever met one. (PS - we did NOT name her after the Gone with the Wind character).

Anyways, the name options remain secret. I guess that can be your big surprise when he's born (assuming that Johannes keeps quiet). I will say that there is one I really love. I hope it can be this little one's name, but so far I haven't convinced Johannes. Maybe one day I'll have a little boy who can carry the name. The meaning is what is so amazing to me.

It's crazy to think I only have 2 appointments left before I start seeing my OB every 2 weeks. There's a reason they start seeing you more often, and the reason is... it's getting close! :-) (I have to keep telling myself that). Still reading, praying, planning for a VBAC. I've had a lot of discouragement from trying because of the risk, but I have to keep giving them the statistics on c-sec risk versus VBAC risk. It is much much different. Whose to say, though. The biggest point is... I have faith in my God and I've asked Him to lead, guide and direct this delivery. I know he will.

On my final note of recent happenings, I have to share my recent Facebook post. December/January/February have been three really difficult months for me personally. I don't mean this is any bad or selfish way, but it has been a hard adjustment living in a small house with my mother-in-law for a month. We got along well, but it's just hard, even if it were my own mother or sister living with us. Then we got a phone call in the middle of the night on her 3rd week with us saying that her mother passed away. She wanted to go home, so she left a week early, which ironically was very hard as well. It's hard saying goodbye early knowing we probably won't see her again for 2 years. Then soon after, we got the dreaded stomach bug and it wreaked havoc on our home, especially for me being pregnant. Constantly in my mind, I'm thinking about the baby I'm carrying and how I HAVE to keep drinking fluids as not to start having contractions. I could not hold an ounce for 24 hours. That was my first stomach bug (at least that bad - I had a perception that you throw up everything and then it's over). Johannes then had his citizenship interview, which was one of the biggest events in our lives. He has been in the US for 9 years. Over $20,000 later, and after many many obstacles and difficulties, it came time to finalize it. It would have been easier and cheaper for him to come over illegally and stay. He would have never been questioned, detained, and interrogated... but we wanted to do it right, and after all of that... he's American! That was a very stressful time. A week later, he was in the hospital for a hernia surgery. Two days after his recovery, Vivienne got round two of stomach virus, then it hit mama. Oh, I prayed so hard for protection over Johannes, and God answered that. I did not want him back in the hospital because of ruptured stitches. The surgeon's office told us if he started having symptoms, to go to the hospital asap. The hardest part about that was having to take care of her on my own. I seriously respect single mothers doing this everyday, especially those with multiple kids, and especially those that are pregnant!

Anyways, through all of this, I have been really growing in my relationship with the Lord. I have been doing the Beth Moore study on Daniel and God has been changing my life. I have made a lot of commitments to the Lord lately, and it's been hard through all of the above to stay focused. I remember about a week ago, as I was praying, that I specifically thanked the Lord for all the people praying for me and asked God to bless them. This past Monday at work, I was approached by Debbie Smith in my church, leader of the Prayer Shawl Group, who presented me with a prayer shawl and handmade baby blanket (which included booties, mittens, a bib, and a hat). I wish I had the note with me to tell you what it specifically said, but it touched me to tears. I knew it. I knew I was being prayed for, even though I'm sure some of the ladies who helped with it did not know all that was going on in our house. The prayers were specifically towards my pregnancy and delivery, which was another huge blessing about the whole ordeal. In the middle of what we were dealing with, someone was not just praying for us, but praying for the baby and keeping my own prayers going for my delivery.

God knows the desires of my heart. I really want to do this. I want the Lord to start my labor on its own, prior to water breaking. I want the Lord to give me strength to labor at home for awhile. I want God to give me freedom from stress and fear. I am not against medicine or intervention, but I want the Lord to progress labor without the help of doctors or hospitals. It seems so much to ask for some of you readers, but maybe simple requests to the rest of you. To me, it's nothing for the Lord to grant those requests... but more than anything, I just want His will to be done. If it's His will that I have another c-section, I am content with that! So please pray for me to have peace with the final results. Pray that I stay healthy and the baby thrives. Pray that in the next two months, he will settle to the correct, head-down position.

Thanks for your continued prayers. I know I have pretty amazing prayer warriors. I hope you know you are also being prayed for, daily. I pray God's blessings on you. You just wait and see what happens!!!

Week 18

According to babycenter.com, this week, my baby is the size of a bell pepper.

This pregnancy has been sooo different than with Vivienne. I have been sick non-stop until week 16. I started to worry after week 14 because they say it stops with the first trimester. Umm, no. I remember a co-worker of mine suffering through extreme nausea her entire pregnancy. My thought is, “Oh my goodness. I’m at week 15 and I’m still sick. Does this mean??? :::Gasp::: NO!!”

But thankfully, this week the only nausea I faced was from a stomach virus passed on to mommy and pappa from my dear Vivienne. Nausea was the easiest part of that 24 hours. Blah. Thankfully, it has passed. Literally. J

My burgeoning bump has forced me out of my regular clothes. Most of my prego friends get pretty excited about this. For me, paying $40 for a pair of maternity pants “on sale” just doesn’t cut it. I lucked out with Vivienne’s pregnancy. A friend of my sisters gave her a ton of maternity clothes, and my wonderful sister passed them on for me to borrow. Other than that, I was able to purchase a few empire-waist shirts that cut it until third trimester. (Ladies, check out the clearance racks at Macy’s, Belk, or JCPenneys. Thankfully we have four seasons here, so the clearance clothes from last season still work for this one. Also, check out craigslist. I often see women posting “large bag of maternity clothes for $30” or something along those lines. You have to check it out first though.) I look forward to borrowing some clothes again this time…. I hope!

I am a total believer of boys carrying lower than girls. My doc sent me back for an ultrasound at 12 weeks because he couldn’t find his heartbeat. Turns out he was so low, that the sonar wasn’t able to pick it up. Those minutes about sent me into a panic attack!

Also, the kicks I have been feeling have been really low…. I mean, really really low. Sometimes so low there is no possible way to try and feel it. Know what I’m sayin?

I felt little man’s flutter for the first time at 12 weeks. With Vivienne, it was week 14. First time moms, don’t freak out if you haven’t felt him/her yet.

*~The average time frame to feel first movement is 18-20 weeks.~*

I think I’m very sensitive to my body, hence why I felt it earlier. Even with Vivienne, I didn’t KNOW for sure until week 16 when it was really obvious. The funny thing with Viv is that the first two times I felt her were during presidential debates while Obama was speaking. Yeah, she is a prophet…. Wish she could have literally kicked him out. Oh well. (My blog, my freedom of speech, thank you very much).

So far, all is well.

For my pregnant friends… when are you due?

(Must have a Google, AIM, or other account as specified below to post – sorry about that. Most of you have AIM though, right? Just type in your username, that’s all).

The History

I'm starting this blog almost half-way through my pregnancy, but I want to journal this, as I did with Vivienne. The reason I'm blogging and not journaling is because I want to share this experience, as I'm hoping it will be much different than my first birth.

Before I start my focus on baby #2, I need to tell you how it all began with my darling Vivi. My L&D: Water broke at 8p, on March 16. I was due on March 18th. I called the hospital who instructed me to come in immediately. I was IV'd and bed ridden as soon as I entered my room (not by my choice). I wasn't allowed to walk around, not even to use the restroom. I was not allowed to eat - but I was starving and restless the entire night. I was having very light, non-frequent contractions until 5a. when the nurse came in and said that Doc instructed pitocin to get my labor started. When I checked into the hosp., I was at 1 cm. By 11a. I was contracting strongly, no meds, in major pain trying to breath it through. Doc came in and checked me. I had only gotten to 2cm. I was shocked. Contractions were every 2 minutes and strong and I swore I was at least a 6, if not 8. It was the first time I was asked if I have ever had a surgery. I asked what he meant, and he said he thought something was causing constriction on my cervix. I had never had surgery, trauma, or anything that would have caused that. It was mentioned once again later by a nurse who was checking me. I was thinking... how come no one has mentioned this before? Is that what "tight" means when they said, "tight 2cm"? I remembered my last regular appt when I was dilated a "tight" fingertip (less than 1cm).

After doc left from checking me in the hospital at 11a, the nurse came in and explained that sometimes your body stresses to the pain, and relaxation is what can help with dilation. She recommended an epidural, then stated that if things didn't change real soon, a c-section would be inevitable. I asked if I could please get up and walk around, but I was told that the hospital has a policy that if you come in with ruptured membranes, they put you in the bed so as not to heighten risk of a prolapsed cord. If I had known that prolapse cord means c-section anyways (not death to me or baby), then I would have gotten up out of bed anyways. I'll mention this later, but I was not ready for all the challenges I now read about in labor and delivery. I consented to the epidural in hopes that it would relax my body for dilation. Oh, it was wonderful. No pain, but I could still feel and move my legs and feel my contractions. I napped a little and prayed a lot.

By 5p., the doc came in. I was still at 2cm. He sat on my bedside and said we were at a crossroads. They don't like ruptured membranes longer than 24 hours because of risk of infection. After reading about this, there is no doubt that this is a huge and valid concern with as much as I was being checked. He explained that the risk to baby was elevated, but there were no current signs of distress. I was in tears. He said he would give me a little more time and I told him we needed to pray and think about it. For the next hour, I was praying, Johannes was praying, and I was shifting and turning in bed as much as I could to see if I could somehow control the baby's movement down towards my pelvis.

At 6p, he came in and asked what we had decided. He checked again, and there was no progression. I couldn't even speak, but looked at Johannes and we knew. He told doc that we were ready and we just wanted a healthy baby.

On March 17th at 6:29p, Vivienne was born. 9lbs, 3 oz, and 23 inches long. She was a big girl. Doc later said... "no wonder."

It's a lot to process.. at least it is for me everytime I recount this story.

I won't go into the minute details on why I do not want another c-section, but I will mention three brief points that apply to me alone. I am not trying to offend anyone who had or asked for a c-section. All I know is my experience, and my heart...

1. Healing - Pain was horrible for me. It was hard to bond with Vivienne. The Percoset caused drowsiness in Vivienne. She wouldn't stay awake for a feeding after I took the pain pill. It was the hardest week in my life. I couldn't stand upright for almost a week. I had the continuous feeling that my incision would open when I would stand up to do something.

2. Cost - With my insurance, I paid more than $500 out of pocket than I would have for a vaginal delivery. This year it will be even more, with the increase in out of pocket coverage for 2011.

3. Risk - The risk for problems to occur in c-sections are much greater than for problems to occur in VBACs (vaginal birth after cesearean). People always talk about the risk of a VBAC, but look at the statistics.

I have 3 main reasons why I want to try for a VBAC. I am not an ideal candidate. Ideal is a breech positioned baby for 1st c-section. My c-section was termed "failure to progress", but we have to ask the question, "why?". Why did I fail to progress? Was it my body? Was it the fact that I was flat on my back for 22 hours, afraid to even pee because I was humiliated to use a bed pan with the nurse standing over me? Was it the fact that I wasn't allowed to eat even a cracker and hadn't eaten for 36 hours from the last meal?

And in regards to the scar tissue. I recently asked in my appt., "Can you tell me more about this scar tissue?" The doctor said he wasn't completely convinced that it was the problem or that I actually had scar tissue. He explained what he felt, but said it wasn't obvious like most patients with this issue. He then explained that he felt that the baby was big and wouldn't descend, and this was the reason for failure to progress. It's a hard thing for me to process. Do I have it, or don't I? Is it the cause, or is it not?

Surprisingly, my OB is very supportive of a VBAC. He is already in communication with a high-risk group who can perform VBACs in Winston (nearly 2 hours drive away). The problem is not the doc, it's the hospital. Most hospitals in the US are not legally equipped for a VBAC situation. Several reasons why, but the most is having "emergency" personnel available and present in the hospital 24/7 while the patient is in labor. For small hospitals with only 1 or 2 anesthesiologists, this is not a possibility.

My main goal is to be educated this time around. I have been reading a very pro-VBAC book called Silent Knife. It is dated and against c-sections (i am not completely against ceseareans), so I am not taking it word for word... but the statistics, history, and stories that were sent in can not be questioned. I have read stories much like mine with successful VBAC endings. The common threads in these VBAC women are education on our rights and bodies, a positive outlook, healthy pregnancy, and support.

I have been looking into hiring a doula. I trust Johannes, but I need unfailing support should another unplanned event happen during labor. What I love about Johannes is that he will do anything to protect me from pain or danger. But we need someone who recognizes "real" danger is in those moments where we have to make a decision outside from our emotions. We need someone who can explain without bias.

So, now you have my history on labor and delivery. The experience changed my life in so many ways. First and foremost, I received my precious baby girl... healthy, on the most beautiful day. Her arrival was perfect.

However, my life has also been full of "what ifs" since March 17th. Though her arrival was perfect, the events leading up to it were less than. I won't take the day back, but I won't resign to a c-section because that's my "only option". It's not.

This blog is for you, my friends. I want to encourage you to think about your labor and delivery, whether it has happened or not even thought of yet. I want you to be informed and prepared. If my second attempt ends in a c-section, I will be okay because I'll know that it truly WAS my only option because of all the research I have done and books I have read. If my story helps one person avoid the mental anguish and second guessing, it was worth it.

And besides all of the above... I'm gonna get my baby boy out of this. You get to join us on the ride! How awesome is that??